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Is There a Difference Between Love and Lust?
By Elaine Sihera

People like to demarcate between love and lust but they are actually two sides of the same coin. I like to say that my ex and I fell into lust. We could not keep our hands off each other and even three months before I left the relationship (which lasted nearly 35 years), we would just look at each other and want to hit the sack - and that s in our 50s! It was a very powerful feeling of attraction and desire, but I felt that too much resentment had crept in, as well as other unacceptable behaviour, and I decided, with much heartache, to leave it. However, I noticed that those strong physical feelings weren t a fluke. They were also present , in varying degrees, with the next two men in my life.

That has forced me to conclude that lust is the pre-requisite to love. There really is no difference between the two except that, in cases where there is only lust and no development, someone in the partnership is resisting commitment, or doesn t feel as strong. Wherever the feeling is reciprocal, there is real love on the horizon. It is a lack of commitment and a fear of the future that stop lust from developing further, because there is no greater feeling than desiring a person deeply and having that reciprocated.

Value judgements
Many people who are unsure of themselves, insecure in their expectations, narrow in their definition of love and very controlling, prefer to make a distinction between love and lust. They often use value judgements to imply that somehow lust is less worthy of our reaction than love, and one cannot put great faith in it. But any relationship which begins without that spark of lust will not have much to sustain it when the initial attraction wears off. When we lust after someone, we want to share their company in every possible way, and for as often as possible too. Lust precedes love and when they are both allowed to take their course, as I found out on three occasions in my life, it is a simply awesome and overwhelming experience.

When two people meet, if there really isn t that lust there, the physical part soon goes, which eventually takes the relationship with it. Lust prepares us for the long haul in commitment, while love takes over further down the line when we know our partners better and feel more emotionally in tune with them. It then strengthens that attraction and settles us down to enjoying mutual trust, great sex and an even more satisfying relationship.

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A bad relationship robs you of a life because it has a domino effect on everything else. Find out the state of yours now.

ELAINE SIHERA (www.myspace.com/elaineone) is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and lifestyle columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University. Elaine is a Personal Empowerment and Relationships Consultant. Confidential advice is available on the quiz site. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate! Money, Sex & Compromise, among others (available on http://www.amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website). She describes herself as, “Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!”

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5 Dating Mistakes Singles Make, and 5 Tips for Dating Success-
By Krista Bloom

Is dating fun for you, or is it a real drag? If dating has become a chore, perhaps you are making a fatal dating mistake that leads to dating disaster. Check these out and see if any of them apply.

Dating Mistake #1: Jumping in too soon: If your first dinner and a movie turns into a weekend that includes you or your date renting a U-Haul, that spells trouble. Intimacy takes time and should.

Dating Mistake #2: Thinking all the good ones are taken: If you set yourself up for failure, then you will surely be successful at failing.

Dating Mistake #3: Dumping your baggage in the Other person s lap. Telling your whole life story, talking about your ex. s puts a huge damper on any date. Leo Buscaglia said: “Don t smother each other. No one can grow in the shade.”

Dating Mistake #4: You have no concrete plan for dating: Assuming that you don t know what you want, but you ll know it when you see it is a huge mistake that dating people make. If you choose blindly, you will likely be disappointed with the results.

Dating Mistake #5: Assuming that the first person you date is “the one” for you because you like them or they like you. This is a huge dating disaster. If you only know how the person looks and sounds for a short time, it s easy to become intoxicated, especially if you are attracted to them.

Here are 5 Solutions to turn your dating life around: I really hope you will find these useful!

Dating Strategy #1: Take your time in getting to know someone. You have all the time in the world to decide what you need and who you want to spend your life with.

Dating Strategy #2: Know that you would be successful. Realize there are millions of single people out there. You may have to go on social dates with several or many different people before you find one that you really enjoy. It sure beats settling.

Dating Strategy #3: Choose an action date to get to know each other. Try an activity, such as walking around an art fair or shooting some pool.

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Dating Strategy #4: Create a dating plan. Write down who you are, what you want, and how you will go about attaining your goals. If you need some help in this area, you can always hire a counselor or coach. I have helped dozens of singles in my practice to write out their plan over the years. They have found it to be very helpful and successful.

Dating Strategy #5: Be patient with yourself and others. You can give someone a second chance, but if things are not going well move on. Allow yourself to go on various dates with various people, even if you like the person.

What are your main dating mistakes? Why not take at least one action or find one solution today? You will be so glad when you do.

If you would like to learn more about relationships you can visit our website at http://www.healingcouch.com If you want to know more about what to look for in relationships, and what are relationship flags, I invite you to check out our book special on our new book, The Ultimate Compatibility Quiz for Couples Find the Green, Red, and Black Flags in Your Relationship. Have you ever wondered if you and your partner are compatible? This book contains over 240 questions that can identify your strong points and your problem areas so you can decide if you should stay or head for the hills! If you would like to get in on the great value of the talk show special on our website at http://www.healingcouch.com

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